Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
