fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Every concussion has its silver lining
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
