"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
