Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
