brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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