hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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