When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
