I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
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