who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I think I just shit out all my problems.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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