operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
The struggles of a small town man whore
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
