Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
you told grandpa to call you daddy
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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