i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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