Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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