I want to walk on stilts...naked
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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