Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
