Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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