when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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