Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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