I just made out with a guy for $7.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
