I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
