I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
