Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
