I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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