Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
