I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
