mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
