Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
