I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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