You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
