hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
