he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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