i was rollin on her like bob the builder
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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