Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i love accidental penises.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
