Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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