My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
