I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
