Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
