I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
