I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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