So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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