I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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