Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize