I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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