it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
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I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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