Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
