This beer is not sobering me up at all
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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