...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He did a backflip because drugs
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