drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
