there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
