don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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