dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
