And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
