Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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