i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
