You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Don't EVER smell your tampon
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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