He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
