Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
