8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
