Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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