Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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