Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
