how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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