I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
