This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
