He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
