Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
