You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
