also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
