$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
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No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
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The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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