i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.