tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
We are all done wearing pants today
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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