i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.