So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
