I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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