dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
