Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
