So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
