do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
